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You Know You've Been a Paramedic Too Long When...

You Know You've Been a Paramedic Too Long When...


Like everyone, paramedics have their good days and bad days. But some times, there have simply been too many days.

From the Facebook group “You Know You’ve Been a Paramedic Too Long When…” comes a list of things from the paramedics’ point of view.

• It drives you absolutely nuts when someone calls you an “Ambulance Driver”

• When you’re always checking out peoples’ veins for IV access.

• When you arrive at a call and your first impression is, Umm why am I here.

• You thrive on serious trauma.

• You spend many nights laying on a layzee boy!

• You have withdrawal from not wearing green on your days off!

• You know that Full Moon = Insanity.

• Unconscious = cooperative.

• You’re up at 3:00 am on Facebook, all in a day’s work.

• Random phones and buzzers send your heart into vf (ventricular fibrillation).

• A few quiet days in a row equals an excellent call.

• When you and your partner are the only ones not panicking in the room.

• When you don’t let anybody get between you and the exit route at social gatherings.

• When you tell people to standby one.

• At social gatherings you drool at anyone with nice fat veins.

More on EMTs & Paramedics

Salary: $17,300 - $45,280
Min. Education: Diploma, Associate's, Bachelor's
Related Careers: Physician Assistant, Registered Nurse

• You get back pain just looking at really fat people!

• You answer questions with “Roger” instead of “Yes” regardless of who is asking them.

• Your dinner conversations ofter migrate toward that really messy trauma or explosive diarrhea call and you won’t lose your appetite.

• If, every time you drive somewhere, you ask your travelling companion “You wanna drive, or attend?”

• If you’ve ever conducted a practical joke using oxygen tubing.

• When someone needs a plaster and you pull out a trauma kit."

• When your home first-aid kit consists of OP airways, maternity kits and bag and masks!

• When you’ve wanted to hold a seminar on ’Suicide – How to Get It Right The FIRST Time."

• If you and your partner have discussed dinner plans over a dead body."

• When you have come to the conclusion that you are sicker than 3/4 of the people you take to hospital.

• You know you’re a paramedic when you wash your hands before using the bathroom.

• When you wipe your feet on the way out of people’s homes.

• When you back into parking spaces on your days off.

• When you are watching TV and get annoyed and point out all the inconsistences of the TV medics.

• You spend your days off thinking about the calls the guys on shift are getting: the calls YOU are missing.

• All of your best stories start with “There was this one call where…”

• You can put together a complete sentence using numbers and acronyms.

LOL doesn’t mean “laughing out loud” but rather it means “little old lady.”

• You have at least one “things up people’s butts” story.

• You’re covered in some bodily fluid or another more often than not and it doesn’t bother you.

• You’re tempted to use “oxygen therapy” on all annoying people, not just patients: an O2 tank over the head fixes everything (especially in combative patients).

• You find random pairs of gloves in every pair of trousers you own, whether they be uniform or civvies.

• You want to throw something at the TV when they shock asystole on some TV show.

• When hot spots are not areas of heat in a babies bottle.

• You refer to your ambulance as a “bus.”

• You have perfected the art of responding through rush hour traffic, with a burger in the one hand and a drink in the other.

• You hear a siren and you know exactly what service or vehicle it is.

• It drives you nuts when some ignorant fool calls you a first aider. (This is even worse than being called an ambulance driver.)

• You cringe when you arrive on scene and someone says you will need a chair or the patient can’t walk – umm… I will make that decision!

• When you come home in a clean uniform after a 24- hour shift and your spouse automatically becomes suspicious of your whereabouts.

• You and your partner are deciding what kind of burger to order after the call while your patient is projectile vomiting!

• You remember every patient by their injury or disease and not their name.

• You trample over people to get out of the coffee shop, fly through traffic for “SOB (shortness of breath) and chest pain” only to rrive on the scene to find a sharply-dressed senior citizen who walks up to the ambulance and says," Good! I have an x-ray appointment in ten minutes!"

• You get called out for abdo (abdomen) pain at three in the morning to find your “patient” at the gate with their bag packed, and the whole family waiting to wave good bye.

• When hearing there is a doctor/nurse on scene, you consider it a bad thing.

• You’ve ever had an altercation on scene with a rubberneck.

• You crouch down in your car as you go past accident scenes so the crew already there won’t see you.

• You can’t put up IV lines unless everything is shaking around.

• You know at least 3 alternate routes to any place you are going.

• You’ve ever blown up a glove and drawn a face on it in the hopes it will stop your pediatrics patient from screaming.

• You can skip to the head of the line at the local Burger king or McDonald’s because you’re in uniform.

• It drives you nuts when a driver only says they’re a “Paramedic.”

• It ticks you off every time a patient thinks they’re funny but wearing a vomit bowl on their head!

© 2008, Yellowbrix

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