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You Know You've Been a Paramedic Too Long When...(Part 2)

You Know You've Been a Paramedic Too Long When...(Part 2)

AllHealthCare

This Facebook group of paramedics was the source of the first roundup of paramedics’ “insights.” But wait there’s more!

Here are yet more funnies from the Facebook group “You Know You’ve Been a Paramedic Too Long When…”.

• You are on a plane and you are happier with “assume crash positions” than “Is there anyone medically trained on the plane?”

• You get to a job and some rubberneck walks up and asks if you need a hand. Yeah if you could just intubate, canulate, pace and drive, I’ll just sit back and put my thumb up my you know what CAUSE THAT’S ALL WE DO…freakin first aiders….wtf.

• You realize the only difference between the ambulance service and a kindergarten is that the kindergarten is run by adults and they don’t give its members sharp implements!

• When you are about to leave a patient’s house and the partner says “I’ll follow in the car!” – especially on maternities!

• When you get to the address and the caller-patient says "I"m not going to hospital!"

• When your patient says “I’m on all these tablets but I don”t know what they’re for."

• My favorite is always when the nearest person to the patient says “He’s going to be alright isn’t he?” [Yes, I will just use my mobile X-ray, chemo, operating table, doctor skills, etc.]

• You’ve intubated more than one “flu-like sx.” Thanks for the heads up dispatch!

• You want to beat anyone who looks at you, smiling, and says they’re in 10/10 pain with a rate of 70, resps of 12, and a bp of 110/70.

• You’ve accidentally called your dispatcher “disbitch…” Oops..

• When a relative says “we didn’t really want to call you but.” Be afraid. Be very afraid.

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• When you manage to take two hours on jobs all day but just somehow manage to complete a job in 30 minutes in order to get home on time!

• When you got to a doctor’s “urgent” for dehydration and the patient is in cardiac arrest.

• You remember when ambulances were white, you went to training school not college, and patient care really meant something.

• You’ve had dinner, you’ll have breakfast, but you’re eating a meal at 3 am simply because you’re awake.

• You know EXACTLY how many minutes you are from hospital from any part of town.

• You work out how long you will be with the patient and even if they have just called you for a chat they will be going in so you get finished on time.

• When you attend a call to someone who has fallen down the stairs – only to be kindly told by the patients family that they have carried the patient back upstairs and put into bed.

• When you take more interest in the photos around a patients house, than in the actual patient.

• When you laugh uncontrollably at 3 am for no real reason in particular.

• When the reality that you are carrying out the policy of a sick bunch of individuals – masquerading as politicians and health authority glitterati – finally hits home.

• When you have deep and meaningful coversations with rabbits on the side of the road, and you tell them to stay on the grass.

• When you look deep into the eyes of a particularly annoying regular patient and give them your best Paddington Bear stare from darkest Peru in the hope they will be to scared to call again.

• When you realize that the number of cats a person has is directly proportional to their insanity.

• When you realize that if someone has no stair carpet they will have an enormous television.

• When you get irritated by a relative telling you that you that ’you’ll need a chair’

• When you find yourself having a conversation with your crewmate while you are both performing resus (resuscitation).

• When you are doing a traumatic resus (resuscitation) where the patient has ended up in a crop of stinging nettles – ouch.

• When you are able to predict the nature of a call, purely by the address given and the age of the patient.

• When you start deciding, not to transport to hospital, ON THE WAY to the call.

• You want to have your MI in the attic whilst incontinent, and naked, just for payback, when you are old.

• Your patient’s status will be inversely proportional to the size and number of windmills waving you down…


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